📜 Official Proclamation of Non-Salty Excellence
WHEREAS, the pursuit of peak pizza perfection demands adherence to a maximalist philosophy, tempered only by discerning good taste;
WHEREAS, the inclusion of “The Works” constitutes a solemn, though often messy, covenant between the chef and the consumer;
WHEREAS, the specific, singular, and critical exclusion of Engraulis encrasicolus (the anchovy) is the defining feature of this national celebration, elevating it from mere pizza consumption to a genuine statement of culinary liberty;
THEREFORE, BE IT DECLARED this day shall be known as “National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day” (N.P.W.W.E.A.D.).
⚠️ Mandated Requirements for Compliance:
- The Formulaic Maximum: All celebratory pizzas must contain a minimum of eight (8) distinct toppings from at least four (4) major food groups. A verifiable structural load must be observed upon the finished product.
- The Scrutiny of Omission: Any pizza found to be in possession of, or within the immediate proximity of, a preserved fish of the family Engraulidae shall be immediately disqualified and subject to a full 30-minute public shaming via loud, disappointed sighing.
- The Spirit of the Law: The ‘Works’ shall explicitly include, but not be limited to, every vegetable that can withstand high heat, pepperoni, sausage, Canadian bacon (if applicable), and possibly a decorative pretzel knot. Any attempt to substitute an anchovy with another tiny, salty fish is a Class-A violation.
Let the feast commence, and may your cheese hold fast to your crust, but never, ever, to a tiny, slimy friend!
Just for laughs – Download the Proclamation Here.