Once upon a fry in the town of Condiment Cove, there lived two nearly identical—but not quite—saucy contenders: Ketchup and Catsup.
Ketchup was cool, confident, and always wore a bright red label. He was the life of every cookout, the squeeze behind every burger, and he knew it. Smooth, tangy, and a favorite of foodies everywhere, Ketchup had it all—fame, flavor, and a loyal following.
Catsup, on the other hand, was… vintage. She liked to say she was “the original,” even though nobody could agree on what she was original at. She claimed she was first on the scene back in the 1800s, but Ketchup just laughed and said, “Sure, Grandma.”
The tension had been simmering for decades.
Then one day, on National Ketchup Day (a date Ketchup claimed was obviously about him), Catsup had had enough.
She barged into the annual Tomato Tribunal and declared, “I challenge Ketchup to a Saucial Showdown!”
Gasp. The mustard fainted. The pickles puckered in shock. Even Relish dropped his spoon.
The challenge? A three-part contest:
- The Great Hot Dog Squeeze-Off
- The Burger Blind Taste Test
- The Name Recognition Gauntlet
Round One: The Squeeze-Off
Ketchup approached the hot dog like a condiment ninja—fwip-fwip!—two perfect red stripes across the bun. The crowd applauded.
Catsup squeezed, but… splurt!—a watery blob and a sad red puddle. “It’s the bottle’s fault,” she muttered.
Score: Ketchup 1, Catsup 0.
Round Two: Blind Taste Test
Three judges: a food critic, a toddler, and a very confused raccoon.
Each sampled burgers slathered with mystery sauce.
The food critic praised Ketchup’s balance of sweet and tangy. The toddler screamed “YUMMY!” through a mouthful of fries. The raccoon gave Catsup’s sample a sniff, then ran off with the whole burger—judges declared a tie.
Score: Ketchup 2, Catsup 1 (raccoon votes are half points).
Round Three: Name Recognition
Ketchup stood proud as the emcee asked 100 people on the street: “What do you put on fries?”
98 said, “Ketchup.”
One said, “Sriracha.”
One said, “Uhh… Catsup?”
Catsup waved with desperate optimism. “That one’s my cousin, probably.”
Final Score: Ketchup wins.
But before Ketchup could start his victory dance (the “Salsa of Success”), Catsup stepped forward.
“You may have won the battle, dear Ketchup, but don’t forget—we come from the same tomato! You just rebranded!”
The crowd went quiet. Ketchup paused.
“…You know what? That’s true. Maybe we should squeeze our differences aside.”
And from that day on, every July 5th, Condiment Cove celebrates National Ketchup Day—not just for Ketchup, but for all sauces, spelling differences, and second squeezes.
Even the raccoon gets a burger.
Moral: Whether you’re Ketchup or Catsup, it’s what’s inside the bottle that counts. (But good branding really helps.)